KER-PLUNK!

That's the sound of me falling off the wagon last night.

It started innocently enough. I'd had a pretty shitty day and after losing only half a kilo (yes yes I know I should be happy with that but I wasn't ok?) I made a vege-packed bolognese sauce (thx to virtual librarian for the tip about grated zucchini - you're right, I totally didn't notice it) and ate it with some notatoes (yes, you read that right, it's fake potatoes, made of cauliflower).

I was pretty full afterwards, but in that "I'm full but want chocolate" kind of way that happens when you're down. So I had a diet jelly. That just didn't cut it. So I had a diet ice cream. That was pretty good, but not quite chocolatey enough. So I had a Lindt ball - I ate it very slowly, basically sucking the chocolate off. Surely that will satisfy my craving?

No. So I had another one. Then another. Then they were gone. So I had some white cooking chocolate my stepmum had in the fridge (I'm housesitting). That was yum but not chocolatey enough so I had some weird chocolate cake thing she had in the pantry. By this time I felt a bit sick and wasn't enjoying any of it, so I had a hot shower and went to bed with my shame.

About half way through this binge I stopped enjoying the food - and because the TF diet requires that you stay in ketosis I know that now it will take another few days for me to get back there - falling off the wagon is a very bad thing on this very restrictive diet, and I may not lose any weight this week. In fact, I may put some on because of my bad mood.

So I am seriously considering switching to WeightWatchers in the very near future. I still want to see how I go until I get to Canberra for the wedding - just under two weeks to go - but it's a lot harder than I thought, especially if my mood isn't good, or stable, or whatever.

Mondayitis

I have had an extraordinarily crappy day. Mondayitis doesn't even come close to describing how bad I have felt. I don't work on Mondays, but I usually have a pretty full day - I have appointments, run errands, see friends. Today I barely made it out of bed, and when I did, I climbed back in. I didn't even have the energy to watch TV, let alone read.

I had an ALIA teleconference this afternoon, which I had a) forgotten about (thanks Andrew for the reminder email) and b) had nothing really to contribute to. Luckily my team had lots of ideas to contribute to the brainstorming session. At yoga, I could barely summon up the energy to hold a pose for more than about three seconds. Normally I get energy from both of these things, but today I feel like it's all I can do just to hold the seams of myself together.

I weighed in - Monday's weigh day - at the chemist this evening and I've only lost half a kilo this week. Perhaps it would sound better if I said I'd lost a pound. At least that's a whole measure. I know that's still an acceptable amount to lose, but I really wanted to be losing around the kilo on this meal replacement diet, which I consider to be more hard-core than others I've previously been on. Plus, my doctor said she'd expect me to lose 12kg in 12 weeks - which is a kilo a week. But I have eaten more (good) fats and sometimes protein than they recommend - plus I have ignored the caffeine rule - so perhaps that's a factor. I don't know if I can go super hard core again though, it's not an easy diet. I wonder if by the end of June I won't have switched over to Weight Watchers, which is more flexible food wise and I'd likely be pulling similar numbers.