The why and wherefore

Thanks to everyone who has sent me messages, tweets, comments etc regarding my having to quit Tony Ferguson due to the carbohydrate-deprived exhaustion.

A lot of the comments and such have wondered why I'm dieting to begin with - or questioned my methods. If you read my introductory post you'll get some of the idea as to why I'm on this weight loss journey, but here I'd like to respond to some of the comments and queries directly.

First, some pictorial evidence. Here is me, prior to going overseas just over four years ago. I had managed to get off medication, and I'd been on Weight Watchers the year before and gotten back down to my pre-meds weight. My BMI at this point was 25 - I was at the top of my healthy weight range for my height. This is about the skinniest I get - at least since I was in high school. Without meds, this is about where I sit, or a bit bigger. But I'd never gotten above a BMI of about 27 before the meds.

And here I am a few months ago, with a BMI of at least 33 (with the gorgeous @katykat). I'm now down to 32, a few kilos lighter than I am on the left. But I still have 20kg to lose to get back to the above.

Now I really appreciate what some of you have said - things like that I look good how I am, that I don't need to lose weight. But the fact is - I am not just overweight, I am obese. I am in danger of developing type 2 diabetes if I don't get back to a healthy weight, and other illnesses.

I must admit that it worries me more that people are accepting of my size than if I was being called a fatty-boomba in the street. Granted, I don't want to be publicly abused, and it would likely make me cry, but it would be closer than the truth than saying it's OK for me to be this big. Because the fact is: it's not. It's not healthy. I'm not happy. It's not "me".

And I don't want it to be my friends either - not because I don't want fat friends: because I don't want unhealthy friends. I have a good friend who is currently trying to lose 70kg: she was diagnosed with type 2 diabetes prior to her 30th birthday, and she's realised how important it is for her health. And I believe she can do it. She's doing it with Weight Watchers, and I believe I'll join her next week.

I remember when I put on weight the last time I was put on meds. I was babysitting for some kid that I didn't know that well, and he said to me "Your tummy is bigger than your boobies" - that was a wake-up call.

I don't want to be super skinny. I'm never going to be a size 8, or a 6, or a zero or whatever the anorexic models are. I have curves - even in the top picture you can see that I am a woman, not a stick-figure. But I do want to be healthy, and I do want to look good - to myself.